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I don't know... and that's alright.

the realization has come again
that's alright
it's alright
everyone has to do it
at some point in our lives
I can be pretty bad
more so than others I think
because I have an
"overreactive imagination"
--I think my nuggets are burning--
what would you do
if I tried to explain the sun and stars
to someone such as yourself
baby, this is your song
--FIRE IN THE KITCHEN--
yeah, I'm pretty bad.
but that's half the fun of it
don't you wonder why you wonder?
wander, away with me
to where, I do not know
but when we get there
we'll be together
myself zoning out to that safe place
I hide from in my mind
so let's just keep going
--lindie's pressie can't put out the fire!!--
let's go so I'm not lost anymore.

silence speaks out

--tell me a story about my kate
++I look at other relationships and try to figure out what I'm doing wrong or why I feel the ways I do
--that is touchy ground
++I don't know how I'm supposed to be in a relationship. I would think I'm supposed to be myself
++and yet... a relationship is something more
++so I should be something more
--no
--just be you
++and then I wonder "who am I?"

when it feels like it's right there
within my reach I feel doubt nagging in the back
in the dark welling up inside me
when I think maybe, maybe this is it.
this is my end. this is the beginning.
to. to... to what? "we'll find out"
as we go along. in life, this thing I don't understand
and everything in it which just confuses me all the more
how? why? do I... did you... can I...
"please find me"
"the person only for me"
but is there just one? just one for me?
a soul, a love, a one true love just for me?
am I good enough for one? am I enough for one?
present yourself as a present
I, myself, like a child on christmas
greedily opening, tearing at the packaging
"I want to see what's inside"
I want to see what's inside
I want to see if it's what I wanted
...what do I want?
I think, before I know you
I want to know myself.

loaded conversations

I keep my secrets to save and kill myself
hidding behind broken walls
underneath the rubble I strew about everywhere
I crumble and fall slipping into a light
brightness outside the darkness
enveloping the empty hollow that once consumed
I hope this never stops, whatever this may be

we don't know where we're going

You know don't you?

for you I would lose touch with the world
and myself only to touch you
yours and your skin so soft against my lips
for you I would turn my back on everything and nothing
for you are my motivation to love
you and I and I as myself and you for yourself
oh it's so beautiful what your smile does to me
what you do to me how it makes me do to myself
be to myself, be myself, you are myself
I am myself for myself and for you
it's so beautiful, you are, we are
because I am
in love.

disorder within order without

make a note!

Scorpio Dating Guide
Here are some things you can do with Scorpio to ensure a successful date. Go to the theater, play a game, take a cruise (short or long), go to a suspense movie, play paint-ball, go swimming, go to the museum, go hot-tubbing, attend a sporting event, do some late-night star watching, go to a carnival or fair together, go to an improv night together and participate, go sailing together, spend an evening star-watching, go ice-skating, go to a costume party

You & Your Scorpio

Do's
Look as scrumptious as possible whenever you're in your Scorpio's presence. They will appreciate natural sex appeal -- or what appears to be natural. Get ready and willing to talk in great detail about your fantasies and your dirty little secrets. Share all: Your Scorpio will want to know all your hidden desires and will probably want to fulfill them. Invest in some satin sheets and scented candles. Your Scorpio will provide the seduction music and the massage. Become comfortable with the feeling that you're being devoured head to toe by the intense Scorpionic gaze. When your Scorpio stares into your eyes, they won't have to say a word for you to know what's on their mind. Let go: You will enter into a deeper, more intense relationship than you might have imagined possible. Your Scorpio will be the most passionate, magnetic all-consuming partner you have ever known.

Don'ts
Never accuse a Scorpio of being faithless or toying with your emotions. They will take it as a serious insult. Scorpio is one of the most faithful and devoted Signs. Don't even think about arousing a Scorpio's jealousy, either intentionally or thoughtlessly. Your Scorpio could lash out violently, becoming angry or overly possessive. Avoid teasing a Scorpio about their performance in bed. Scorpions are renowned for their sexual prowess, and they usually are quite proud of their reputation. Forget launching your own emotional fireworks or dramatic displays without considering the consequences. Your Scorpio may counteract with an intensity that you're not willing or able to match.

I'm so done with you

impressions upon a pillow and lips upon cheeks//lips
hands held during a walk in the rain
puddles of the undeniable deep enough to touch ankles
or to drown the unsuspecting and the hopeful
or the hopeless romantic waiting
always waiting, patiently, hoping one day
tomorrow maybe, maybe tomorrow they can dance
lost and found in the arms of what they wish was now
now however, is not a dream, so the present that's now the past
goes on ever moving forward to the next possibility

let me dream no longer so that I may live this dream

I'm excited about friday night.

I see without.

I have reached now
and find myself [all] alone
with you by my side
the empty hollow that consumed
has found it's place
within my space once again
there you are
so far away
and so near to my heart
I hold on to what you did
to remind me
of what you won't do
a promise isn't your word
or a pretty ring on my finger
your lips on my eyes
your kisses in my dreams
tomorrow though,
tomorrow I'll find you gone
and I'll wait for you.

I just want to sleep with you.

last friday I finally made it out to what I haven't been to in two years
I felt jaded and misplaced amongst what hadn't changed while I did
you would think time couldn't stay constant or in the least it would force change
maybe it's the dirt or the dirty kids or the haze in the air that keeps it the way it is
I'm glad I had fun and found what I did there. it was a time. a time that is no longer.


I found beauty.

ps I got a new shirt for ordering a magazine of design work put together by a friend
it's amazing to see what "common every day" people [everyone and anyone] can do
makes me wonder what else I can do


pps these suckers got no play at midnight on new years
what a waste.


this doesn't even touch at how I felt at work wednesday night/thursday morning


the best part about new years eve was seeing beauty before I went to work


and her awesome lipgloss holder slash belt buckle


oh and check out faux hawk dog




and then there's jake. the little lover boy.


the brother david and I


I WANT MAX'S CAMERA. ahem


he's a DJ


and this is matt. he's my friend

happy FUCK YOU

I'm ready for a melt down
stand by mop and bucket in hand
everything, in time, will come
I can't tell you how long I've waited
but I can't wait much longer
tell me how it will be
my dream fading into reality
two becomes one
when the unneccessary is no more
I've decided by any means will you be mine
let's clean up this mess we've made of ourselves.