ohkate!

Kind of sad right now. That is all.

It’s elusive lately. Much like inspiration and motivation.

today starts the “bring back Kate’s glorious rump” effort. it will involve working out in the morning and after work (if I have time) and eating more thoughtfully. the soda is definitely banned, ice cream is allowed in extremely small quantities and infrequently at that, alcohol is cut out (except for tubing for Lear’s birthday), fruits and vegetables will be incorporated more than all the other stuff, and fish will become the main meat in my life (if I can afford it.) I’m tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, it’s time to take charge and sweat it all out.

I’m so burned out and exhausted. Yes, my week wasn’t as stressful or draining as jason’s but allergies, waking up early several days in a row, staying up late, and a few other things all jumbled in to one has taken it out of me. I wish I could go to the beach and just soak up the sun until I turn into a lobster. Alas, I have work over the weekend. This work at least will be fun and exciting.

I need to get this back. Time to sign up for a ballet class, get a road bike, do some squats, whatever.

BAM!

I forgot you even existed. You still live somewhere on my server and I pay for your domain name. What reminded me that you exist is my loneliness. *snot bubble* Jason is at the airport praying for his flight to get delayed and then outright canceled so that he can then call me, I can save him, and we can go back to snuggling on the couch watching the Harry Potter marathon on ABC (in HD no less!) So here I am, also willing his flight and trip to be canceled but I know that’s just not going to happen. Now I have to decide whether or not I’m going to risk my life and venture into the city on a shitty day* like today so that I can meet the wonderful people of 2birds1blog at their Jäger Ball 2009. I have no one to go with and can’t drive either of our cars (summer tires and still summer ride height.)
I am sad and mildly afraid and daunted about spending the next six days by myself. Jason will be having a wonderful time (BETTER!!! *shakes fist) in Phoenix in a FIVE DIAMOND HOTEL, only three exist in this nation. Talk about baller. Thankfully I have planned nightly events to keep me distracted from how much I miss my boobear (gheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, I know) until he gets back.
I lost my train of thought and need to back to the couch womb.
*

I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated with myself. reading this guy’s blog just makes me so aware of how lame I’ve become. I’m not who you originally fell in love with and yes, it’s expected that I’ll change but I feel like I’ve become so much more boring and I don’t want you to fall out of love with me as a result of my sloth. I fear that I’m projecting how unhappy I am with myself on you. I’m afraid that I just want to run away from our “problems” and that they’ll continue to haunt me even if we’re in a new location. How do I get past this though? How do I pull myself out of this slump that I’ve let myself fall into and refused to drag myself out of for I don’t even know how long.

*sigh*

david called me last night to let me know. my heart, broken, goes out to ohm and his family. Lorton woman killed on I-495 – wtop.com.